ACOG just came out with new recommendations for VBACs (vaginal birth after cesaerean), and once again, I'm completely sick that I'm having a repeat c-section. It seems like just when I make "peace" with the fact that I'm having another c-section, a new article comes out about how it can be better to VBAC. So, why am I not having a VBAC? Well, since I haven't posted Boyd's story, here it goes...
The twins were born via c-section because they were breech. When I found out I was pregnant again, a VBAC was what I wanted. I come from a long line of women who have no problems "birthing babies," and I certainly didn't want a repeat of what happened when I had the twins. All natural was my dream. No allergic reactions, no catheters, and no lengthy hospital stays. My OB was in complete agreement that for me, a VBAC was a good option.
Flash forward to my 3rd trimester...Our local hospital put a ban on VBAC's unless the mother has had a previous vaginal delivery. My OB offered to put me in touch with a colleague in a different town who could deliver me at the teaching hospital. I decided against this option. I allowed myself to get sucked into the "convenience" of a repeat c-section. There was going to be a hassle with our insurance company since I was switching care so late into my pregnancy. Dr. appointments would be further away. I'd be scheduled, so childcare for my twins would be handled. My OB and I were much more proactive about preventing the allergic reactions I had during my first surgery. Plus, this baby would be full term, there would be no NICU stay. He would be with me from the beginning. In the end, all I wanted was to hold my baby, it didn't matter to me how he came into the world.
April 9, 2008, Boyd came into the world at 8lbs 12oz...Nine days before his due date. The breathing problems started right away. I was allowed to hold him briefly in the recovery room, but he was soon whisked away to the NICU. The tears rolled down my face, and the nurse kept saying, "it's okay, it's not like last time...he'll probably be with you later this afternoon."
I tried not to think of the past, and I tried to look forward to the fact that I would probably be nursing him at any time. Later that afternoon, the neonatologist came in to speak to me. He said that Boyd was doing well on oxygen, and he'd probably be fine by the next day. He didn't see any pneumonia, so there was no need for an IV. He talked to me about pumping my breastmilk and told me that I could go see the baby as soon as I was able. Then he said the words I didn't want to hear, "this is a common complication with c-section babies." There it was, out in the open...it was my fault. People have tried to tell me that it wasn't, but any mother in the world would blame herself, and I couldn't help but think, "if I'd done a VBAC, this wouldn't be happening." That evening, I managed to get in a wheelchair while holding my catheter bag in my lap. Gross and humiliating, but then, that's part of childbirth. I watched my son breathe with the aid of a nasal canula. He also had an IV placed in his arm, and when I questioned it, she told me one of the doctors started him on antibiotics "to be safe." I was furious, (since the antibiotics guarantee a 7 day stay).
The next day, the neonatologist talked to me about inserting a PICC line instead of an IV. Boyd was apparently blowing IV's out quicker than they could place them. I agreed. Several attempts were made that day and the next, and they were all failures. Worn out, he went into respiratory distress and was placed on a ventilator. So, 4 days later when we should have been going home, we were right back where we'd been 17 months earlier. I still hadn't held him except for those stolen minutes in the recovery room. We also got the news that since they weren't successful in placing the PICC line, he was being transferred to the Children's hospital an hour and 1/2 away for the placement of a central line...a surgery....
Boyd was loaded up in an ambulance, and we followed. I still had the staples in my belly, and I felt every bump on the freeway. I really wished I had something stronger than advil in my system. At Children's Hospital, we met with the doctor there who as it turns out was married to a doctor who my mom knows and works with on community projects in our city. She took new xrays of Boyd, and she looked at the old ones. She said, "this baby doesn't need IV access..he doesn't have pneumonia...we'll insert a feeding tube so he gets nourishment, and we'll work on taking him off the ventilator." 12 hours later, he was in an open air crib, getting every other feed through a bottle...the others were being administered through the feeding tube. The next day, I received a call that a room had opened up, and I had the option to "spend the night" with him. He was still hooked up to monitors and oxygen, but I could hold and snuggle my boy. All in all, he spent 7 days in the NICU.
My OB has assured me that I won't find anyone who will VBAC me after 2 c-sections..at least, not where we live now. I have contacted midwives about homebirths...all to no avail. So, here I sit, 2 weeks 6 days from my next surgery, and I have to admit, I have regrets. I will always have regrets. I can only hope that lightning doesn't strike 3 times....
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