Unparenting.

Unparenting. I have no idea if this idea really exists or if I just thought it up. It came to mind when I was hearing about "unschooling." A concept where children who are homeschooled more or less determine the course of study themselves. I thought, hmmm, I wonder about "unparenting?" Is there such a thing?

When I was a first time mom, I had a whole list of things I wanted my children to accomplish. I also had a plan of "how" I was going to accomplish my goals. Potty training would be when I wanted, they would eat on MY schedule, they'd sleep, they'd speak. They'd be perfectly well behaved. My discipline method was well thought out--I had a plan.

My plan worked. For awhile. I don't know many mothers of multiples who don't exist on some form of routine. Even the most unscheduled mom in the world seems to step up her game with twins. Maybe that's just my perception, but nonetheless, the twins had a routine that we lived by. Boyd came along, and he fit right in with the program.

Sure the routine was great, and it also sucked. Seven o'clock in the evening rolled around, and we had to be home to put the kids in bed. Truth be told, we really needed to be home by 5:30 for the "routine." What little social life we had, died a miserable death. After Tessa was born, the routine started to shift and morph. Actually, a lot of things became looser, more laid back. I couldn't expend the energy anymore...I let them start to run wild.

This isn't to say that we don't follow a routine. We get up around 8. We go to bed around 8, but we aren't locked in stone anymore. Dinner doesn't "have" to be at 5:30. There's ebb and flow in our lives. Is my day any more chaotic? Not really. In fact, I'm more relaxed because I don't feel the pressure of the "checklist" I keep in the back of my mind.

I have a new plan. It's called, "loosen up already." My 3 year old still isn't potty trained, but he takes off his diaper and goes pee. I think the rest of it will fall in line. Yeah, maybe I should make him sit on the potty every 30 minutes, and yeah, maybe I should have him strip naked until he stops having accidents, but I prefer to wait and see if he does it on his own. I think we can take another month or two to see if he does it.

Tess still doesn't sleep. Maybe I should let her cry it out and sleep train her, but I'm kind of waiting to see if she figures it out on her own. Maybe I'm shooting myself in the foot. Maybe I'm just letting my last baby be a baby a little while longer. Or, maybe I'm too sleep deprived to go through the effort of sleep training.

I think I've earned the right to unparent for a little bit. We'll see where it gets us.